MY BOOK ADDICTION
As a child growing up in Melbourne Australia I became fascinated by a couple of things that were to dictate the trajectory of my life. At the time I had no idea that immersing myself in the world of JJR Tolkien and Bruce Lee would lead to such critical changes to my identity and interests. The fantasy world of Tolkien stimulated my imagination and created a life long addiction to reading. Books were my escapism. They enveloped my world in fantasy, information and provided a broader horizon for a young kid growing up in inner city Melbourne.

THE TRIGGER
In 1975 my world shifted significantly when my father suffered a heart attack. As the eldest son who had English as his first language the responsibility fell to me to communicate with doctors and family regarding my dads condition. I was 14 years old. In 1976 my father had another massive heart attack that left him dead on the table for almost two minutes. It was a touch and go situation for a couple of weeks as he struggled to regain consciousness and when he did finally open his eyes he did not recognise me or the rest of our family.

It was a long road back for dad that year and his memory and health slowly recovered. As an introverted 15 year old I became the conduit for information between the doctors, dad and the family and I found this responsibility difficult to handle.

I didn’t know it at the time, but this situation was to continue for years as dads scarred heart would slowly deteriorate until his passing in 1987. During that time we became regular visitors to the hospital and well acquainted with the doctors and staff. I held secrets about the gravity of the situation from my family to protect them and I had many meaningful conversations with my father. I learned to live in the present moment and became quite philosophical (for a 15 year old).

THE SHIFT
I also developed a coping mechanism. I took to the things that I knew; reading and meditation. I discovered the Theosophical society book shop and would often take the bus into town to spend a few hours exploring and buying books. I found a little book called Science Of Breath that was dedicated to yogic breathing techniques and philosophy and I dived in.

The rhythmic breathing techniques where a revelation to me and daily practice began to have a profound impact on my awareness. I had always been connected to my dreaming world, but my dreams did not have a huge impact on my life. They were merely a night time experience. My daily breathing practice changed all that. The meditative states that were an integral part of my breathing practice began to impact on my night time dreaming in an unexpected way. My night time dreams and my day time meditations started to weave themselves in a meaningful conversation that changed my awareness and perception.

DREAMING
For many years my inner dreaming and meditative world provided a relief from the stress of my father illness. It was escapism in its truest form. I dived deep into my dreaming world and developed techniques for dream recall, development and immersion. Part of that development was an introduction to lucid dreaming. I started to become aware that I was dreaming while I was having the dream. I found the experience exhilarating and started to plan my dream adventures. It was like I could create my own immersive movies. I found that I could have a fair degree of control and flying was definitely a better way of exploring than walking.

Although I could control much of my dreaming experience, I found that much of it came from some where else. My imagination simply wasn’t good enough to come up with some of the experiences that I was having. Some of them were beyond my understanding and they often left me feeling confused, yet full of wonder and excitement. I was hooked.

OBEs
As my lucid dreaming was becoming more active my daytime meditations were also changing. I was getting better at drifting off while maintaining awareness. I began to see and feel things. As anyone who has practiced meditation knows, the warm fuzzy place between sleep and wakefulness can be full of interesting experiences. I certainly started having some of those.

In the beginning it was simply hypnagogic imagery and sounds. As time went on I began to identify a warm energy surrounding my body. I started playing with it, moving it from my head to my feet and back again. I could actually feel it moving back and forth and I was totally engrossed it the sensation. As I got more tuned in to the feeling I found that my ability to focus on it increased and the sensations became more pleasurable and real. It felt like a warm wave of energy rolling back and forth across my body (I actually called it waving). As I continued to practice I found that I could wave beyond my body, moving the wave across my bedroom, bouncing it from wall to wall and floor to ceiling. I was getting a sense of playful elasticity developing and it was giving me a feeling of freedom and expanded awareness. This was definitely fun.

One day as I was meditating I began to drift off. My mind found a deep stillness and I was totally unaware of my body and its position in space. Slowly I began to feel a slow buzzing sensation building. It felt like jet plane approaching from a distance getting closer and closer. As the buzzing vibration kept building it became more and more intense until I was in the midst of painfully exquisite electrocution. It was a sensation I had never experienced before and yet I felt no fear. My overwhelming feeling was one of acceptance and surrender. I felt safe and I made a choice to let go. As soon as I made that choice I felt the energy reach, what I can only describe as, escape velocity, and I exploded out of the top of my head. I could feel myself moving in the darkness as I watched my body disappear into the distance. I was completely aware of what was going on. The experience was crisp and clean just like a physical experience and yet I was in new territory.

Because of my lucid dreaming experience I decided to try and control my movement in the darkness, like I would control my lucid dreaming flying. Surrounded by, what I can only call a deep void, I tried to engage my ability to see. As I called on my sight to activate I felt my movement slow down and I found myself floating in a room as a man was preparing to leave his house. I followed him for a while and tried to take in the scene. Can they see me? Can I touch them? Can I hear their thoughts? I was inundated with questions as I felt an irresistible pull back to my body. I felt myself re-enter my body with a jolt and opened my eyes immediately. I needed to use the bathroom.

As I returned to my bedroom, I was acutely aware that the experience was real. I didn’t know, who or where or how, but I knew it was real. The experience had opened a deep well of “something” and I was excited about it. It was a moment I will never forget and I was eager to get back to it. I had a new obsession.